Friday, 8 June 2012

Today I bought a Shell Suit


Today I bought a shell suit for £2.75. I considered that this £2.75 was the best £2.75 I had ever spent and then I began to doubt myself. In order to overrule this doubt I began conjuring up a list of all the possible things I could do in my new shell suit.
•Count the amount of times my Mother says ‘Lauraaaaa, that is the most RIDICULOUS thing you have ever brought home, including every single boyfriend.’ every time I wear it.
•Roller skate up and down my street all day once I get my skates back from Southampton.
•Go to Manchester and look like everyone who inhabits the place.
•Get high and entertain myself with my own reflection in my shiny shell suit. Or just do it anyway and loose interest quicker.
•Get bullied whilst wearing it.
•Remain single and continue to have no male specimen interested in me.
•Hide weapons of mass destruction inside the baggy top to roam the streets with as I am now back in Croydon.
•Go and hang with the regular gang who hang out at the top of the road getting elders to go into the shop and buy them cigarettes and attempt to become part of their crew.
•Crimp my hair and go to a fancy dress party as a ‘blast from the past’ and pretend that I am not actually taking my outfit seriously.
•Do aerobics and zumba in it everyday in my bid to make my fat arse just a normal arse.
•Make use of the trampoline in the garden and pull some shell-suit-jumpy-shapes.
•Go to Reflex and make all the old fag hags wish they looked just like me.
•Convince everyone that shell suits are coming back in because I am a fashion student and I picked Fashion Forecasting as an option and therefore I must be right.
•Maintain my currently pink hair in order to match the pink shell suit and make it even more special.
•Develop a suitable bop/stride/walk/lunge that compliments the shine, texture and rasping sound of the fabric when I move.
•Get bullied even more.

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